Wrong Numbers


(ringing)
Hello?
(Incoherent taking on other side of phone)
Uhh… Okay.
It’s for you, James.
Hey, James. This is James from the future.
Just wanted you to give you a call and let you know that,
Puberty can be tough, but, you can get through it.
So I wanted to let you know that
everything’s gonna be okay and…
I love you.
*POP*
You got the wrong number.
(hangs up)
I grew up in a generation where smartphones where a new thing.
And everyone in my class had one
except for me.
My parents never got me one because they didn’t want me to access the Internet
on a device that could fit in my pocket
because they were super strict and didn’t want me looking at…
internet stuff…
which backfired horribly.
so, they never gave me a smartphone.
In fact, I didn’t even get my first cellphone
until I was 16 years old.
Now as an adult who uses his cellphone everyday,
I don’t know how I survived for 16 years
without one.
I think when I was younger
If I was ever in a situation where I needed to call my parents
I would just ask the nearest person if I could borrow their phone
Now if there’s are any parents watching this who haven’t given their children a cellphone yet,
Take it from a guy on the internet with no children.
You should get them one.
It doesn’t have to be a smart one.
You can just give them your standard drug dealer phone.
But you should at least give them a cellphone in case there’s an emergency
and they need to call you or the police.
The only downside I can think of giving your child a phone is:
They’ll end up spending TOO much time on it
So.. you should just turn off their service from time to time I don’t know.
When I turned 16 and finished up my sophomore year of high school
I got my very first cellphone:
An LG Cosmos 2.
I didn’t grow up in the 90s… Tha- everyone else had iphones
But I was the only one with a fli- with a phone that had a keyboard on it.
and with that cellphone, I’ve had a couple of incidentses
Where sometimes a random person would call me
Thinking I was someone else…
And then wouldn’t admit they’re wrong.
And that’s how you segway into the theme of this month’s video.
This first story happened when I was working at Sooubway. (Not Subway)
THATS RIGHT ANOTHER SOOUBWAY STORY
#SOOUBWAY 4. It wasn’t good enough to be in the other 3.
So it was 5 minutes until closing and we get a phone call on the Sooubway phone.
I pick it up and say,
“UGHHHHH..Thank for calling
Sooubway. How may I help you?”
I was supposed to say,
“This is James . How may I
help you?”
But I wasn’t about to tell this random stranger my name…
Idiot.
Anyway, the
other person on the line said,
“Hey what time do you guys close?”
time do you guys close in five minutes
is it alright if I show up late I just
James: “In five minutes.”
Idiot: “Is it alright if I show up late? I just need gas.”
And being the good employee
that I was,
I was totally willing to make this guy’s sandwich over the phone,
let him
pick it up after we closed,
and then I wouldn’t ring him up and just pocket the money.
I’m just kidding I wouldn’t do that.
That’s a crime. Please don’t sue me.
So I said, “Yeah I can do that. What kind of sandwich do you want?”
And he said, “I just need gas.”
“Oh don’t worry, sir.
This sandwich will give you plenty of gas. I… I mean, do you want chips or something?”
“No.” he said. “I just need gas.”
I was a little confused.
“Okay, yes. So, you’ll get gas, then are you gonna stop by and pick up a sandwich?”
And he said, “I don’t want a sandwich.”
And then it hit me.
Even though the first thing I ever said to this guy was:
“Thank you for calling Sooubway,”
I think he thought he was talking to a gas station.
So I said, “Sir, this is a Sooubway.
“OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.”
(Hangs up)
And I never got the chance to tell him
that gas pumps don’t close.
This next story happened when I was at home
and I got a call from a number I didn’t recognize
Now, I’ve had friends tell me that
they don’t answer the phone to any number
they don’t recognize.
But my anxiety won’t let me do that.
What if it’s your bank calling saying your account got hacked?
What if it’s your grandma ’cause why
would you have her saved in your phone?
Or what if it’s your Nigerian uncle who
wants to give you his collection of gold
bars and needs your information for a
wire transfer?
You just never know, so I always pick up the phone.
So, I answered it and it was this woman asking for a Lawrence.
and I said, “Oh I’m not- that- that’s-
You have the wrong number.”
and she goes “isn’t this 416 295
That’s obviously not a real
number, so don’t try calling it.
And I said, “No, this is four one six two nine three.” ‘Cause, that’s my phone number.
Again, that’s not actually a valid phone number.
So, please don’t call it.
And she goes,
“Three? I don’t think I pressed three.”
And, I don’t know what to say to this woman.
because my number is four one six two
nine three (it’s really not) but she doesn’t think
she pushed three so I don’t know how
she’s talking to me right now
unless she did so I said “well obviously
you did.”
and then I made a comic about
the whole situation because I thought
the internet would think it was funny.
This next story happened not too long
ago I got a call from a number I didn’t
recognize at 9:30 in the morning and I
was lying in my bed asleep and most
people would agree that you’re supposed
to be awake and productive at 9:30 and I
didn’t want whoever this stranger was
thinking I’m lazy so I had to answer the
phone with my best I’ve-been-awake-for-several-hours voice
HUU HOO HUU HOO HUU HOO HUU
Hello?
You’re going to have to come
quickly. Timmy fell down the well, Vance.
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Wuuuuuuuuuuut?
I said you’re gonna have to come quickly cuz Timmy fell down the well, Vance.
I could tell it was a woman on the
phone but it was either her accent or
the phone being buggy or I just had
woken up but I could not understand
anything she was saying but I could make
out one word which was Vance so I did
not have a lot to go off of I said I…
think you have the wrong number
(Incoherent screaming) okay… goodbye
(Incoherent screaming) *Beep*
well I should probably get
the day started I thought as I went back
to sleep but then immediately I got a
call from the same number and I thought
okay maybe if this person is calling
again
even after I explicitly told her she had
the wrong number maybe it’s not a wrong
number after all maybe there’s something
else going on
maybe it’s an emergency so maybe mmm
talk to me
HO-LE LO-LE HASJKDALSFHLK VANCE
okay I can’t understand
anything you’re saying so then this
woman must have handed the phone to her
friend because a different voice started
talking and I could actually understand
her and I’ll never forget what she said
which was Vance no one thinks that
you’re funny and even though I’m not
Vance that kind of hurt so I stated the
obvious which was yes I am and also I’m
not Vance and she said no Lance so this
whole time these two have been looking
for a lance so I told this woman I’m not
Lance either and she said
WELL THIS IS THE NUMBER THEY GAVE ME
okay if she
had said it like oh I’m sorry this is
the number they gave me I didn’t mean to
call you stranger also I do think you’re
funny and enjoy your videos then that
would have been totally fine she’s just
shifting the blame to someone else but
instead she sounded so condescending
like I was wasting her time well this is
the number they gave me and they can’t
be wrong so you must be the real Lance
so I said
well they must have given it to you
wrong look I’m too tired to be polite.
But then she hung up on me like this
woman just basically called a random
person said you’re not funny and then
hung up so I decided to call her back
and said hey I just found the real Lance
he’s the funniest guy I ever met and he
told me he doesn’t give his phone number
out to RUDE PIECES OF SHI- just kidding on the last
part I thought about doing it but then I
went back to sleep I didn’t do it and
then someone on the internet found my
phone number and I changed it and
whoever has my old number is probably
getting a lot of calls from strangers
and people I went to high school with
sorry about that
hey guys I’m back I haven’t done an end
card in a while which should probably be
my next new catchphrase if you didn’t
know I wrote a book and you can buy it
buy my book but if buying things online
isn’t your style it’s also available at
Barnes & Noble or any other local book
store be sure to check it out in a
library and remember to give it back
thanks for watching everyone honestly
thank you for being so patient I wish
I didn’t have to go a whole month
between posting but I hope this was
worth the wait
thank you to Rushlight Invader for
animating some segments if any animation
looked at all decent that was him doing
it not me thank you to anti dark heart
for making the backgrounds and also
thanks to Pantless Pajamas and ToonCee for
doing the coloring and also thanks to
Jacksepticeye for voicing one of the
characters the character is supposed to
have an accent and I was like: Dude!
you’re perfect for this do you want to
do one a voice a character and he was
like Yes! Thanks again everyone for
watching I’m going to VidCon Australia, (Have fun James!)
now so let you know how that went when I
get back I’ll see you all later and wear
your seat belt. (captions by no one 😉
)

Leave a Reply

(*) Required, Your email will not be published